Sunday, December 09, 2012


This has been the toughest stretch in my entire life, I think. I can't focus on anything but my freaking daughter & her addictions, even when it's not what I want to be focusing on. I'll get a couple of days peace, without her bothering me, followed by 2 days where she's forcing herself on me & trying to push me back into her life. After she's dressed down for that, she'll come up with an excuse to text me, claiming that it's because she's worried about my granddaughter or something (the girl is not my that daughter's child) like that, trying to lure me in & when it doesn't work, resorting to sad faces.

Last week started off with her claiming to our daughter-from-another-mother (my best friend, Dawn's daughter) that she had gone to the ER and they told her she had h1n1 & salmonella. Ok.. first off, there are 1 or 2 breakouts in the world of h1n1 right now & she hasn't been in either country. Next, she would have had to have walked to the ER, and got in to see the doctor & back home again in an hour or less. Last, my best friend & her son saw her a hour before all of this & she was fine. If she was throwing up, it was because she was drunk I brought this all up to DFAM and she gave her phone to my daughter, who throw a fit & demanded that I "get the fuck out of her life" claiming that I was "abusive, controlling & manipulative." I immediately told her "fine, have a great life" and ended the conversation. She has kept things up off & on since then, pretty much begging me on Friday to come back into her life. I'm not going for it this time, I'm tired of her cycle of abuse. As an adult, you're allowed to divorce a spouse who abuses you, but when you walk away from your abusive, adult offspring, people think you're harsh or over-reacting and just wrong. Why is that? Why are we not allowed to protect ourselves from whoever is abusing us, regardless of their relationship to us?

At any rate, the rest of us have been in turmoil, because I'm overly emotional & feeling overwhelmed and that cuts to the heart of the family, because I'm not great yet at expressing myself or stating my needs (but I am working on it).. I haven't allowed all of this to derail my eating, now that I feel like I'm finally back on track & determined to take care of myself, but it's been a rough 5 months, between her being in jail & then rehab & being really great at pretending she was really going to stay sober this time. It's been heartbreaking, but it's time to move on from that sad little tale & get on with my own life.

Smart Ones Scramble: 5 points
Oikos Mango Apricot Yogurt: 3 points
2 Clementines: 0 points
8 points

Oroweat Honey Wheat Berry Bread (2 slices): 5 points
Honey Ham (2 oz): 2 points
Cracked pepper mayonnaise with olive oil: 1 point
Sargento Ultra Thin Swiss (1 slice): 1 point
Kettle Brand Baked Chips: 3 points
12 points

Steak (1 small): 5 points
Idahoan Mashed Potatoes (1/2 C): 3 points
Broccoli & Cheese: 2 points
Salad with Light Dressing: 2 points
12 points

32 points for meals
10 left for snacks

No comments: