Saturday, May 18, 2013

Food Obsession

I'm up & at it very early today; I think I've been awake since 4:00am. I had a very restless night, I guess there's just too much coming up & I have too much on my mind to just pass out like I usually do. I'm not stressed out or fixating on food or anyone else's addictions, so my programs are going well.. just thinking about what I need to get done for the trip we're making next week. I'm afraid the trip will be challenging for me, food-wise, but I'm determined to come up with some strategies to help me handle not being able to be in control of my food for a few days.

Anyway. I've noticed something over the past nearly 3 weeks, something that I'm very pleased with: food has started to become pretty unimportant to me. Yes, I get hungry and I eat when that happens, but I don't spend my entire meal obsessing over the next meal to come, how much I've eaten, feeling guilty, being ecstatic over the taste or any of the other crazy things that used to fill my head constantly about food & eating.

I don't feel guilty for throwing food away that I can't finish, I don't save it for later & I don't finish everything on my plate most of the time. And most of the time I am amazed that it takes so little to satisfy my hunger. I always thought I was starving & couldn't get enough to eat, so that I was getting second & third helpings. No wonder I had forgotten what hunger truly felt like, I couldn't even tell you what I had eaten during the day, I wasn't paying attention to it as I shoveled it compulsively into my mouth! Now I keep track of everything I eat as a part of my Action Plan, but as soon as I log it, I let it go. I don't sit around & tell myself I ate badly, or could have done better, or didn't eat enough. I know that none of those things are true.

Food is finally just fuel.

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