I've known for awhile, I had even bought the books for Overeaters Anonymous, but I had never worked up the courage to actually get myself to a meeting & say those words out loud. I started reading The Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous & "The Little Brown Book" over a year ago, and I found strength & comfort in them, but I couldn't find the courage to face my own demons & fears & just go to a meeting. I stopped reading 12 & 12 when I hit step 4, knowing I wasn't ready to start working that step, and figured there was no point in reading about it. Yes, just another way to deny myself the help I really needed while I "waited for someone who'd go with me."
In the meantime, my feelings and life careened out of control, my daughter went to prison (it's a long story, but comes down to unwillingness to get & stay sober) and my husband & I started attending Al-anon meetings. I started without him, but took our son-in-law with us, hoping it would give him the tools he'll need to be married to our daughter & not lose himself. I already knew I was losing whatever serenity I'd found while she was in rehab & needing help finding it & maintaining it. My husband & best friend started coming in the following weeks, and then we started having a second meeting during the week at another location & we started attending that one, too.
For the past several months, my husband & son had been attending an AA meeting together, and during one of those in the past few weeks my husband was asked to speak at the speaker meeting. He agreed & asked myself & my best friend to attend. We did, and him saying something I have heard many times (I was sick & tired of being sick & tired) brought my best friend to her psychological knees. She went home that night & cried for hours. We spoke about it a few days later & she said we had to start an OA group of our own, because she couldn't do this anymore - I stared at her & told her there was a meeting here in town already, on Saturday mornings & we agreed to go.
We've only gone to two meetings so far, but going and meeting other people who have the same problems I do & being accepted without judgment for what feels like the first time in my life has made a profound difference in my life & the way I am able to view food now. I'm taking time eating, something I'm starting to do without thinking, just like I wolfed my food down with no thought for most of my life. I'm stopping when I'm full instead of eating myself sick. It's not a lot, but it's a start & chance at a new life.
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